I was laying in bed…. I’m pretty sure I had just had a panic attack (you know, shaking and trembling so much that I couldn’t control it), I just wanted to go to sleep. I didn’t feel like doing anything. It was a Monday night, which means it was Family Home Evening night.
Here at school we have ‘Family Home Evening’ groups that we get together every Monday night to have a spiritual message, activity and treat. My apartment was going over to the guys apartment this particular night. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to bug my friend downstairs because I knew that she had Family Home Evening as well. I just wanted to be by myself, cry, and hopefully fall asleep. I was all snug under my blankets in the cold November weather anyway. I didn’t want to move.
I had told my roommates earlier in the day that I would go to FHE but I really did not want to go now. So, I just secluded myself to my room and lay there on my bed with my thoughts racing, telling me that I should just end it now by getting up and swallowing huge amounts of pills or jumping out the window. Or maybe I should go get a blade to cut? But I had no motivation to get up, even to do those things…(which is probably a good thing).
Then one of my roommates gently knocked on the door and came in…’How are you doing?’ she asked. She was such a sweetheart. I told her that I really did not feel like going to FHE that night and that they should just all go and have a good time. The roommate that I shared the room with came in as well and asked if I was coming. I said that I wasn’t.
I told them again that they should just go and that I would be fine. The one went back out to the living room, but the first one that came in said that she wasn’t going to let me just be here alone all night. She said that she would be right back and left.
I was relieved that they were gone. I blew out a breath of air and re-positioned myself to be more comfortable. I laid my head on the pillow and closed my eyes and envisioned blood coming out of my arm and not stopping… Why could I not just be done with this life? I tried to fall asleep, but that didn’t happen.
Before I knew it my roommate was back with two things of Jamba Juice and a book in her hand. She gave me one of the cups of Jamba Juice and told me that I needed to drink and get some of those positive chemicals back in me. And then she asked if I had read Pippi Longstocking. I said that it had been a very long time.
So, as I drank the Jamba Juice she got for me, she read Pippi Longstocking out loud to me. We smiled and laughed a little bit. I was very appreciative for her loving kindness and gentleness towards me. She was a person who really cared. She reached out, and dropped things that she had planned to do in her life so that she could help me.
That is what the Savior did. That is what true followers of Christ do. They become selfless and learn to love as the Savior loves. Our Heavenly Father gives us glimmers of hope, even when we can only seem to see the darkness ahead of us.