Where did my memory go?
Modern Medical Technology
One of the things that I am particularly grateful for is the modern technology in medical areas. If it had not been for this, I believe that I would still be far from recovered when talking about my diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder. In fact, I would probably still be in a hospital in the mental health unit.
I am specifically grateful for Electro-Convulsive Therapy (ECT), also known as shock therapy. This extra help and knowledge of curing, helped switch my mind and thinking around, and I feel like it turned me back around 180 degrees to see the light again.
ECT is not for everyone, but while I was in the hospital for the third time, I believe it was, my psychiatrist suggested it to me. I thought about it, and pretty much I was up for anything and I really did not care, because I just wanted to be done. So, it ended up being a go and I had some testing done beforehand to check my memory etc.
At the hospital, they did ECT every other day in the mornings. I was not to eat or drink anything the night before past a certain time. Then, they would get me up in the morning, have me change into a hospital gown, and escort me down to the ECT room. There, I would lay in a bed, have the anesthesiologist connect me to the anesthesia, and have other aides place wires on my head in different places around my skull: some on my temples, a couple on my forehead, and a couple behind my ears.
Then, before I knew it, I was conked out by the anesthesia. The doctor who administered the therapy would push some buttons and administer a kind of shock wave to my brain. Usually, patients had a series of anywhere from ten to twelve treatments. After, a patient is seeming to do better, only one or two more treatments are administered. I ended up having to have only seven.
There are some side effects of ECT. Primarily, it affects one’s memory. This is so true for me. Many times now, I have a difficult time recalling specific events during my depression or even months before it’s onset. I remember trying to go back to school a couple weeks after my ECT treatments were completed, and having a very difficult time remembering lectures that professors had given.
I talked to my professors and I started to bring a tape recorder with me to class. Not long after that is when I was told that I was not to be in school at the time by the University Administration, because I had been given a medical deferment.
While I was not happy at the time with the thought of not being back at school when I felt better, I am extremely grateful now that they told me I could not be there. I am grateful because I am sure my GPA would have suffered greatly had I chosen to stay.
So, what does any of this have to do with you? One thing that I learned through having ECT is the lesson of not remembering anymore. This has strengthened my testimony of the Lord forgetting our sins when we truly repent. I know what it is like to not remember, and I know that He does not remember when we repent. He looks over our faults to where we are right now. He does not continue to look back at all of the mistakes we have made in our lives. He helps us to become better people.
Having ECT also helped me to learn gratitude for the knowledge and abilities that the Lord has given to man. Were it not for God imparting His knowledge to man, I am sure Electro-Convulsive Therapy would not be known. I love this quote by Brigham Young:
“There is no ingenious mind that has ever invented anything beneficial to the human family but what he obtained it from the one Source, whether he knows or believes it or not. There is only one Source whence men obtain wisdom, and that is God, the Fountain of all wisdom; and though men may claim to make their discoveries by their own wisdom, by meditation and reflection, they are indebted to our Father in heaven for all.”
God is the one who imparts knowledge and wisdom to others in order to benefit and bless mankind. I am daily extremely grateful for His wisdom.
By having ECT, I have learned to be grateful to my Heavenly Father for all He blesses me with, especially my life. I am grateful to be alive and pray every day that I might live to do the things that He would have me do.