The sun in my life was being covered up and I wanted to die...
Wanting to choose death
Many of you know that during the fall of 2010, I struggled greatly with severe depression. It got to the point that I did not want to live anymore. I wanted to kill myself. It seemed like the only thing that would just end my pain, hurt, sorrow, and misery. I wanted to be done.
Yesterday, at church, the Sunday school lesson was on the resurrection of Jesus Christ. In previous weeks we talked about the Savior’s suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross. This week we discussed His resurrection. We talked about how His atonement frees us from spiritual death, while His resurrection frees us from physical death. We can live again! What a marvelous message.
The class was asked to think about what the resurrection means to them. I was brought back to the memory of last fall when all I wanted to do was kill myself and be done with everything. I shared with the class what I want to share with you. To live is Christ.
One of the things that stopped me from killing myself during all of those extremely dismal and desperate times was the knowledge that I have that there is life after death. The knowledge, that I would not be done, kept me from killing myself many times.
I learned in full force that Jesus Christ does live. He died and suffered for all of our pains and heartaches and sufferings and sins, and He lives so that we too can live again! He endured all that the Father had for Him to do. He lived through it. And when that final hour came, He was crucified on the cross to atone for our sins.
Romans 8: 35, 37-39 in the New Testament states:
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor present, nor things to come.
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Can you just feel how much He loves you? I hope that you can, because He loves you infinitely. He has helped me repeatedly in my life. He has helped me to choose life, both physically and spiritually.
I am forever grateful for and indebted to my Savior. I know that He loves me and that His hand is in my life. You are a child of God. Your Brother, even Jesus Christ, sacrificed so much so that your life could be better. Please turn to Him. He will bring you joy, as He has brought me joy, comfort, and peace.
I love my Savior and know without a doubt, now, that to live is indeed Christ.